2010.

IT"S THE END.

yes, it's going to be over!

2010 taught me a handful of things.

I learnt how to guard my heart, stay away from rotten friends, and grow are a person.

I learnt the truth this year. Of who people really are. No one is trusted. Everyone lies.

But, i also learnt who my real friends are, who the loved people are.

Now, i am going to start getting ready for a splendid end to the year.

First time spending it out of the box. And first time spending it with a boyfriend.

Happy New Year People! ;)

Not myself.

Staring at my reflection, i realized that right now, i'm not myself.

The next year is coming, will things change by then? Will it all get better? I can't hope because that just crushes me.

It's okay not to be okay, because everyone is bruising.

So i don't... or i shouldn't worry.

I'm letting it all go... everything.

I want to be new. Think differently..

Tosts.

Here comes a rant.

Something that's ticking me off.

But since i am me, i pretend otherwise.

And blogging is therapeutic, so here i blog.

I AM SICK OF HEARING ALL YOUR MOMENTS.

i don't even wanna go today, cause i know i'll get left out.

It's not a nice feeling, bringing people together only to get left out after.

Maybe it's just my PMS coming up so the complaining starts.

So for the next weeks, i am taking distance.

Thank you.

You all can have your fun, i just don't want to be involved. Cause it'll make no difference.

On another note, my christmas shopping is coming to a fail.

Nothing is here. And now that mum argued with me, i get no money for buying the presents yet. WHAT"S THE POINT.

Okay, i'm thirsty.

This felt good.

Arigatoooo!

nina ricci.

HELLO INTERNET WORLD.

i've been some what distant from the internet world.

it may be the fact that the internet connection is so freakin' slow, and i'm out all the time, so not THAT much time to spend lingering online.

Plus, the internet brings problems, and i want to be problem free this holiday.

So far, thats how it's been, so it feels nice.

Holidays have been good, it's only been a week but things keep happening daily so it's getting tiring. But, still fun none-the-less.

I just had the urge to blog, so here i am... BLOGGING.

• BOOST is the shiz-niz!
• I need to workout more and more!
• I want sexy beasts body, thank you.
• I need to take care of my diet!
• Stop eating junkfood.
• READ MORE.
• Dad is home, family is always good company.
• I want to paint my nails.

That is all.

I am done for my rant of the day.

NINA RICCI is chicash. Thank you to my boyfriend! ;)

Suppose to go to the 7aste thing... wonder how that'll turn out.

fireeeework.

I have decided to distance my college life, and my outter life.

At one point, i wanted to put it all together, but i guess it didn't work out.

I've never felt so apart and distant standing in a group of people i know.

Why do i need to prove anything to you.

Why do i need to bother giving reasons. trying to make things okay again.

I give up.

eye.

It is NEARLY december.

I am excited for december cause my WHOLE family will be together.

And mr.boyfriend will be back here too!

Boyfriend got back yesterday. Yeaaaah!

I have a great et HECTIC weekend ahead of me. No complaints though!

Photoshoot today and tomorrow. But this time, i will be beeeeehind the shots! Which i am looking forward to! Watching the whole thing happen!

Then, heading for a nice run later to prepare for the MARATHOOOOON on sunday. Yes, we jooooined it man! Crazy, but looking forward to it!

Had the radio shows this week. Though it wasn't SO great, still a learning experience. Which was awesome. So, fudge you Ken! ;) You're gone soon, so you're hurtful words are gonna mean ZILCH soon.

Exams are up next. Going to KILL me. But, then... it's the hooooooolidays! :)

AND, JEN KHOOOOOOO IS COMING BACK! Yes, i am excited for that. Toffeeee nut babeeeh!

30th October 2010.

by. Bash Nash

Looooooooove the makeup.

Good halloween!

There's a whole tornado when it comes to life.

As crazy as life is, it teaches you a whole bunch of things.

I've got it the hard way, and i thinks it's about time i put up a wall.

Letting in the people the ones the matter, and keeping the ones that hurt me in a safety net.

"Surround yourself by people who bring you up, not the ones that bring you down"-Kyra.

(that girls a genius)

If everything works out, i get to transfer soon... and get out of here. But, that's all in the catagory of 'IF'...

Now, i'm hungry. And this feeling is off the table... i am feelin' easier and more chilled.

It's just gonna be me, myself and i for the next few weeks.. and i have no problem with it what so ever.

A friend taught me a good lesson the other day. When you're angry/upset/hurt by someone.. Hide all views on them. Whether it's seeing their blog, profile... or anything.

I should probably go workout now, but the weather is perfect. :)

Hm, maybe i'll read a book.

Hello blog.

Oh-oh-oh-oh... oh my gawwwd.

It's been awhile since i wrote something useless here. So here i am doing so.

Right now, i think something is wrong with my eye. One side can't seem to see anything.

Though my contact is in. Stupid.

Currently in college and it is 9.24 and class is 11am... so i've got a nice while to go.

Currently taking a break from my radio script..

"Night riders, you're tuned in me with me, SIMONE on knoooooock.fm! And i am going to give you a few tips in being yourself"

So why don't i let pictures do the talking.

mei mei!

mr.monyeeet!

gurney puppy!

candy candy!

starbucks time!

No-one said we had to be mature, in this childish game you played on yourself. :)

You know, you meet people who try to ruin every part of you. Taking away your friends, changing your story.. But, there comes a point, where you just can't care about them. No matter how much they try to ruin things bit by bit. There is no point in caring, because their motive is nothing.

You tried to hit me a couple of times, it worked in the beginning. Yet, i stayed silent in order to pass everything. Now, you're trying again, and i am finding it funny... and this morning, i'm finding it rather boring.

I have great friends, and people around me that care.

People who have my back. And, i love them. You never know who you're true friends are until you encounter a rut, and you know they are there for you.

No one is perfect, so i don't blame you.

So, maybe you should think about where you stand in your game, and think twice before you try again. :)

sitting.

Morning world.

I have become sick of social networks, yet i find myself forcing the interest.

It's just a habit to click on facebook, even if i don't want to be there.

Click on twitter, though i'm lazy.

Tumblr on the other hand, that's just entertaining. I could spend hours there. Beautiful place.

Okay, so it's friday already.

And, is it me, or was monday just yesterday?

Work is piling, and i need to sort it out.

Radio show is next week. And i don't have an interviewee!

On a happy note, MY DAD IS BACK.

which means foooooood is back in my life.

but more happy about him being here.

My red hair is oozing away, so that's sad. But, i'll re-dye it anyways.

ACHEIVEMENT. i've been working out everday, thanks to my workout buddy, Bash Nash!

though, i still feel plump, i am getting there!

Okay, 15 minutes to Film Class..... and well, i can't seem pass time any fast than blog.

There you go.

Thank you.

Buh-bye.

i need you now the most.

but i can't have you.

Introducing....

The sources of my happiness.

Weekends are orange.

Hello hello fellow strangers of none-exsistant readers!

I'm not sure if ANYONE reads my blog. But if you are... HI!

Well, it's been the 6th weekend that i haven't been working. And i'm actually getting used to this. I have neglected myself, and my needs... and these weekends have let me get back so much.

I have accomplished more on the weekends. It's awesome.

This weekend, i also have found a part of myself, that i thought was gone.

I finally let go of hard strains. I let go of the regret.

I mean, living with regret, that's not living.

Maybe it's cause i watched EAT,PRAY,LOVE.

But, i have indeed realized the short-ness in life.

Those pathetic fights i once cared so much about, are the last of my problems.

Everyone knows... so what.

I'm done fighting. I'm done arguing. I'm done feeling for something that isn't HALF as important as life it's self.

We all have our ups and downs. That's how it goes.

Go through it, then GROW.

I've been shot down, i've been crushed on, i've been told i was a burden in a friendship, i was told that i make life miserable... Yet, here i am still STANDING.

And, i'm proud to say, every shot has given me strength.

Maybe i should go to church again.

Then again, i'm still double minded about which church to go to.

Have a stopped believing in His power, NO.

I just haven't found the right 'family' to share it with.

Everytime i'm about to blog... somehow, memories plays.

Today, is a good day. Well... i have yet to judge it for that it's only 8:50am.

So, let's see how this goes.

I'm trying to stay ontop of time, avoiding procrastination.. but i am failing.

I hope i don't have to work again this weekend, i need the rest.

My mind is over and out this semester.

With the work load of Radio and others... gaaaaaaawd.

If i make it in one piece, i am rewarding myself with a week holiday.

It's funny how people are selfish and so self centered.

I don't care that you've detached.

That's your mistake, not mine.

My chest is clear...

Currently : Trying to sort out radio mumbo jumbo!

Listening to: You - The Pretty Reckless.

Life, is good now.

I am content with a lot of things. And as much as i wish i could un-complicate things, i have realized that there is no such thing.

We need the complications in life... cause, well... that's life.

It's a growing process.

And i'm tired of my college life being a carbon copy of high school.

One minute we're all friends, then one turns around, then two people, then three... we're degrading.

So it stops here.

Things are happening again, and i am happy.

This time, i am happy within, and i don't want to reveal because it only causes problems.

Time passes fast, why waste it.

--------------------

I'm sleepy, thank you.

exhaaaausted.

I am TIRED.

but, i had a very good workout today.

followed by pampering in the sauna.

and then a hearty subway dinner... tuned with an episode of HOUSE.

Now, that's what you call a good saturday evening.

Tomorrow, i'm sleeping in.

Tonight, i'm staying up.

Yes.

nyehe.kthanksbye.

therapy.

I've become addicted to coffee.

paddle

Day two of exam is down.
And so is my mood.

I've been away from the internet for awhile, so things haven't been see.

But, today.. i felt the worst.

I saw what i never wanted to see.

I told myself that it was going to happen, but when it did.. i still broke down.

Don't know what hurts more, the accusations, or the plain

pain that each memory never meant something.

I don't care if you read this.

I AM HURT.

to the core.

And, you never realized. You never see it. Why? When i see you, i pretend that things are okay, but they aren't.

I tell myself i don't care, but i do.

Because for nearly 5 years, i was at your door. At your support.. and where were you?

All i got was hits about how my efforts were not needed. How i expected too much?

But not once, did i ask for anything back.

So fine.

I stayed silent.

I am still saying silent.

At least you found good company. And i'm happy for you. Everyone needs good company.

I'm blowing out these candles, these memories, these efforts.

Hey eh, oohohhh!

"I just wanna let it go for tonight, that'll be the best therapy for meeee!"

• clear room (seriously)
• hire a mosquito bounty hunter.
• run... gym... run.
• STUDY (first an foremost)
• dance my sorrow away (in my room if i have to)
• dye hair red... well, brighter red.
• get my tattoo done.
• pierce my ear. (i think i'll do that tomorrow, if i find the time)
• watch old films for a whole day. Audrey ofcourse.
• delete junk on batmac.
• tell people i love them, daily.
• go to the beach, for a tan.
• read my books...yes, all of them.
• spend alone time.
• prepare the surprise for Bill.
• download more great tunes.
• go swimming.
• plan my holiday for next year.
• eat a bucket of cheese.
• drink milo at ABU! (and eat nasi lemak goreeeeng!)

Yes, thats all for now.

In time, i lost friends.

Best friends... over stupid things.

These three girls, have stuck with me through my bad, my good, my everything. We fight. We get annoyed. Yet, when in need, we'll go to each other. What i love more, they never judged me ONE bit.

Friends are hard to find. And painful to loose.

I'm tired.

I think all i ever complain about is being exhausted.

Well, once again, I"M EXHAUSTED... then again, i have energy.

I just need the drive.

(and my drive is in KL... teehee)

Well, radio was fun today for once.

Though, i am against my lecturer in all ways, i gotta look past his annoying self.

I keep getting hungry and wanting to snack, i'm going to gain weight soon.

Exam times are always like this. Geeee.

I want a nice break again.

Today, people made my day. I feel appreciated. (and it's been awhile since i felt that way)

Strangers even made my day.

Ohkay, i'm lazy to type.

Just felt like... blogging. Merry Christmas!

Leap here!

Here comes a good one.

Yes, today... I will be talking about LOVE.

I've watched people at the high and the low... and i've experienced the high and low of love.

Being in the low, i think is the worst part ever. I think we'd all agree.

Then why do we keep falling over and over?

Why does our heart desire someone so much?

It's as simple as LOVE.

You can't fight it.

Yes, it's bring you pain... tears... loneliness.

But do you ever stop to think about the GOOD moments in love?

Love in FAMILY... FRIENDS.

Love is everywhere.

Not just in SOMONE.

But yes, love is a bigger factor when it comes to SOMEONE.

We all have a special someone.

But, i believe we are all have a 'few' someones.. it's just a matter of WHO we choose.

No matter what... we will be happy.

But, finding someone is difficult. PERFECTION is what we seek, but is it what we need?

Imperfection comes in a better package, because if you can love someone for that.. then, there's where you can find LOVE.

Why be in a relationship if your in doubt? GET YOUR HEAD STRAIGHT.

If you want to be with someone.. GO FOR IT.

Don't WAIT.

Don't PONDER..

Because the chance only comes ONCE. (maybe twice)

You'll never know if you don't try.

But, don't get in a relationship only to have your eye out on others. Because, that's just going to bite you in ass.

CHEATERS, you need to vanish.

It takes ALOT for a girl to give up everything for one guy... OPEN YOUR EYES!

Yesterday, we fell...

Today, we realize..

Now.. we do something about it.

Fear is a big part of love.. but, life is SHORT... so take the leap.

Whether it's mending the love in a friendship, starting a new relationship... it's time to step up.

*breathes*

okay, done releasing. K, thanksbye.

Only Exception.

BACK... from a well needed holiday.

Put so much perspective.

And to be honest, there's no perspective. Life is simple. Just LIVE it, and you'll know.

Every moment counts.

I took that for granted.

If only i knew early.

Life is a learning process, we just gotta wait.

I let go of those friendships i once held on so tight on, as i realized i was just an object rather than... well, a friend.

There's no point fighting for something, if it's going to swirl in the same circles.

I just can't take it anymore.

I stood still as fire blew in my face, because i feared dealing my hand.

Now, i deal... and walking away is how i deal with it.

...

Hitting KAY-ELLE tomorrow morning.

And i am HAPPPPPY to get out of here. Gosh, has everything been piling or what!

Work, people... life.

I need this holiday so bad, and to think about anything..

Kyra put everyting in proportion in my head today, and i have come to terms with many things.

I no longer want to live for others, but instead live for myself.

I think too much and care too much about the people surrounding me but bringing me down.

I never stopped to notice the real people who were there for me.

I lost track of myself, and i took advantage of these friends, but up until now, they stuck to me. And that means more to me than anything.

They give the best advice, they let me vent out, they even stay up til the wheeee hours just to cheer me up over a cup of teh-tarik at Alis.

Those are KICKASS friends.

And, i am lucky.

Sure, we have our misfits, but at the end of the day... we're still good. we're still happy.

So don't try pulling me down, cause it's not going to work anymore.

You're foolish attempts are nothing but lies... and it will come back to you.

Living fulling, and whole heartedly.

Cause, it's about time.

Freeee

Yes, it's the weekend and i have a WHOLE lot of free time.

Love it.

Todays Agenda!

• Tan! Tan! Tan! and SWIM!
• Read- Eat Pray Love.
• Finish my script
• Tell people i love them.
• Ponder
• Text my boyfriend... and tell him that i miss him. (4 more days!)
• Get started with Film assignment!
• Play dress up with Lin, and catch a movie!

Have a gooooooood day people. :)

Ah-ma-zeng!

Amazing things are in line. And it's all slightly clearer now.

Certain circumstances have stopped me from looking forward.

But, after some thought, and a whooooole lot of cleaning of my room. (more to continue)

I have decided to let go of the past, and let it not affect me.

I realize how short life is, and i realize all the stupid things that have wasted time.

I complain constantly about things that shouldn't affect me, and i forget about the people around me. The love that everyone else brings me. Despite of anything. They are there.

Family, Friends.... randoms. Doesn't matter who. People are smiling around me, so it's my turn!

I took a trip, and now.. i'm up. I am lucky. And NOTHING should stop me.

Caaaaaan't wait to go to KL next week. First time travelling on my own! (well, sorta)

I'm happy my parents allowed it, and i appriciate that they do.

I have new hair... well, not NEW... but i did something new. YES, i did. Something that isn't very me. But it was worth the shot from the usual!

Thank you for tuning to one of my useless rambles!

John Mayer cheers me. Haiyaaaah!

So, it's like.. 7.48am.

I woke up early thanks to mum.. and now she says she wants to leave later.

So, i am going back to bed after this.

Mornings make me think... maybe it's the weather.

After a loooooooong day, and night at starbucks with the usual, Mum, her bestie.. Nor.. and Aishah (Bash Nash) .. I think it's become a routine for the next..... year? maybe two? Ha.

But, i'm not complaining. It's nice to have a clear company for once. Simple is what i want. And, fudge, it's inspiring to see Aishah and her talented photography!

So i've been thinking through out the week... do you remember anything you say?

We tend to shoot someone down when we're anger. Hit them to core of pain. Forgetting that bit of 'love' that you once shared. We do everything to break that person down. Telling them things without noticing that you can never take it back.

Oh, i think we've all been victim in both hurting, and being hurt.

I sure have. I would say how many times, but i wont.

But, over the past few years i've come to realize that there is no point to fight back. Because once a person hits you down, staying down is the best weapon.

Do i wish i stood up? Yes. But then again, No. Because nothing is going to change a persons mind when in anger. So there is no point to justify your side of a story.

I give grabs to the people who have tried to ruin my life, reputation, and my being.

Telling the people i love about the bad in me, turning their backs on me.

I give them grabs for the effort, but just the effort. Because i will not be broken down over these sort of things. It's a waste of my time, and honestly a waste of yours.

friendship is like a book. takes a few seconds to burn, and a few years to write.

Okay, i think i'll go back to bed now. I'm hungry.

Here i am in college, an hour early for class as usual.

Thanks to my brother and his school.

I woke up late. And i feel gross.

Fastest time i've gotten ready in a LONG time. I just couldn't get up.

So this is my only free time to actually blog.

Work is starting to pile up, and my tired side is starting to turn on drive.

Been working out everyday with Yeelin, so perhaps where that's from?

I NEED TO LOOOOOOSE THIS WEIGHT!

This semester has been an interesting ride so far.

I am avoiding the drama. Avoiding problems.

It's not worth fighting anymore.

Forest Gump.

Watched a snippet of Forest Gump in class today.

And, all i kept thinking about was you.

Seeing the way he acted, reminded me of you... and your genius ways to make everyone in class smile.

Today, i saw another RIP on my home page. I don't know who the person is, but i ran back to the afternoon i found all the RIP's on your wall.

I regret taking the leaps to see you.

I regret so much.

I wish i could've said more.. seen you more.. so many things.

But i can't.

Cause it's too late.

So many things remind me of you. It's been nearly a year now, and i still can't make peace with this.

A part of me wishes that you'll only be up there for awhile, then just come back down to see everyone thats missing you.

shiling.

I SHOULD be doing the questions for the up coming interview, but.. here i am blogging.

Yes, i am a procrastinator. I plan to stop... but, doubt that's ever going to work. It'll just stick as a plan.

The boyfriend is now up in KL, so here i am.. in another long distance relationship. It's as if LDR's are a magnet towards me. 3 months and counting til i get to see my doofus! Well, just a few more weeks if i count the holiday!

FINALLY, we have planned this KL trip we're been planning for months. Lin and I will finally get to go catch some awesome music at ze laundry! And we are gonna daaaaaaaance our hearts out. Yes? I think we need that! We need a good shop and drop release!

Classes are in, and daaaaaamn, i need to focus. I tune out so easily and my concentration level is on another planet. I'll be back on earth soon. Just need one of those lazy days.

Won't be working for the whole of september! HALL-E-LU-YAH!

I thought a month like this would never come.. but it is here!

I've got to do up my to-do list and sort out my messy room. For now, i am waiting for my bubs to come back from work, so we can taaaaaaalk.

The script will have to wait.. I wanna nap! Taa!

Howdy-hi-hi!

Just a tip... so maybe you know.

If you were in my past, i don't talk about you on my blog.

So, please.. don't be so full of yourself. :)

My blog reflexs... myself. my life... and if your not in it... well, you've been outcasted man!

On a more important note!

BILL GOT HIS INTERSHIIIIIP! Yeeeeeeey!

he leaves for KL soon. Not so yey about that. But... i am freakin' happy for you dufoos!

Oh, look at the time. Gotta get ready for lunch! Class at 2!

tune in for another MORE appropriate post. ;)

Not like the movies.

Why do we bother justifying our side of a story, if someone already has their heads stuck on what they thing is the truth.

I gave up ever trying to be right, and proving the wrong.

There's no point really.

Just let is slide. And let them face what they call the truth.

As long as i am certain of myself, nothing else should stop me.

Dreams.

I've been thinking AHEAD alot lately.

Ahead in the sense of my studies and my next step. And the more i think about it, the closer i feel to the real word... or so the call it.

Yes, interns are only next year, but i just can't stop thinking about what exactly i want to do.

Magazines?

Broadcasting?

PR?

There are soooo many choices. But, i am pretty sure on what i want to do. Let's just hope it all falls into place.

At first, i didn't want to do a degree just yet.. i still want to push that off. But... a degree will be pretty important.

I've been thinking about my DREAMS. What has changed about my dreams. What NEW DREAMS i've come up with.

• Travel - Cambodia, Peru, Laos, Europe.
• Learn 32 languages. (or understand)
• Go to a LIVE concert.
• Discover a new fresh band, live. And do something about it.
• TO BE CONTENT AND HAPPY WITH WHO I AM. (still learning)

Those have been my dreams for years now. And for a moment, i stopped dreaming. But now, i am back on my feet, and i will dream. DREAAAAAAM!

Let's talk about friendship.

I've been holding this post up for awhile now. And now, i am sitting in my living room alone, with the TV on mute, music playing... and munching on some tomatoes.

I finally have the MOOD.

Friendship.

Now, that's a tough subject, but a subject that i think ALL of us can relate to. Am i right?

What exactly is friendship?

Is it a random 'hi' and wave every time you see each other? Or is it being able to talk to a person for more than 30minutes without being bored.

I think we have ALL faced a friendship problem. I pretty damn sure we have.

One minute someone could be your closest friend that you share every hearty secret with, and the next.. they're our worst enemy

It's sad really how fast a friendship shatters for the STUPIDEST reasons ever known. And you look back, and think... how the hell did we end up here?

But, i guess that life. People will always come and go. And sometimes, it'll leave a big mark or scar from the pain. None the less, we learn.

I have learnt this painful lesson many times. I have let MANY people into my life, and i let them shatter my emotions, my hopes and my dreams.

I put my friends before anyone else. I run the race for them. I do all of this, and at the end of the day i get the same outcome.

Well, now i have decided that i will not do this anymore. I mean, if i sunk myself so low for others, what's the point if it goes no where?

I'm sick of the word "best friends". It's a LABEL. Don't take it serious. Best friend means GOOD friend, just using different words. But, using "best friend" makes it seem that you are a in a committed marriage for friendship.

I don't want to be held down anymore.

I am fed up with the burdens i hold.

The guilt i feel, is useless.

There are just some friends that will never full understand you. Infact, NO ONE can understand you, but yourself.

Judging brings you no where, but we are all victims of judging. there's no stopping.

So judge me, judge who i've become. Because i am happier in the atmosphere that i bask in now, then i was before. You don't like me, that your fucking problem, not mine. ;)

I'm done making the efforts... let me dream and live for now. and let me SMILE all i want.

Thankyou.Haveanicenight.

Oh, excuse the spelling mistakes, i was on a roll and lazy to read back!

Jolly-oh-goody!

HI! Yes, HI!

I am currently trying to pack... And it's 3.04am.

Leaving for my second trip to Melacca this holiday. I love it there. It's nice to go somewhere where you know nobody, and be a total 'amoh' tourist!

This time, the boyfriend is coming along. So this shall be interesting.

We're driving down! So it'll be nice and relaxed!

OH. Yes, the whole point of this post was the share the excitement inside me.

I HAVE A LICENSE TO DRIVE!

you can only IMAGINE the things i went through today.

being at the JPJ and everything being in BM. Yet, i used my secret skills of the understanding of the language to get myself through the whole thing!

Best part, this is the FIRST time i did the exam. *pheeeeeew!*

It's over!

Okay, i need to paint my nails.

Settle my bag.
Sleep perhaps.

Okay.

Maybe i just need SLEEP?

I'm in need of a pump... that i know i'll never get.

I.HATE.THIS.FEELING.

i can no longer fake a smile.. tears jerk.

where did MY heart go missing?

ARGG. i hate this feeling.

i get it so freakin' many times.

it's as if i don't have feelings. littereally. I feel numb.

I can't even pin point the problem myself. I don't know what's actually BUGGING me... but i feel bugged.

Maybe it's my time of the month? Perhaps?

Why am i so emotional. GOSH.

I wanna snap out of it.

I just feel like avoiding everyone every thing and anything.. haaay.

This sucks.

Hopefully blogging this will help? Maybe?

Blogging is theraputic.

So blog, cure me. Ha.

I need something. Wish for something. But... i give up on that.

Cause there's no need for wishing.

Up til now, i agree with a song someone sent me. Where did your heart go missing by Rooney.

But, the person who sent it to me, is a jackass. But credits to him for sending a song that represents me. Ha.

perhaps.

maybe we're avoiding the serious things.

maybe this time around we're shoving the important off.

but that makes me question... how will we deal with it when it comes.

wish you could just do things without me wishing you would do them for me.

i have to always S.P.E.L.L it out for you.

wish.

I wait here hoping you'd come online.

knowing i'm out of things to do. i pretend i'm okay, but what i really need to know is that you'll be there when i need you.

tired of doing the calling. tired of putting my foot in first.

you're always busy even when your free.

i'm in a loop.

Hiding.

It's 3.52... and i'm awake.

Crashed at 11, but then woke and now i can't sleep.

My throat is closing up and right now.. i can't taste the nutella i am eating with a spoon.

I should probably study.

But, now i'm tired.

I am physically and mentally tired.

Wish i had the weekend to study. But, work is work. Gotta do what i got to do.

All i need right now, is that somebody to tell me everything is going to be okay.

Craig, i miss you.

I miss the positivity you brought. I can't stop thinking about you. And the simple things you did to make me smile. Everything reminds me of you.

come together.

Okay.

So here i am again... PROCRASTINATING.

Yes.. I do that best.

I have a fuck load of assignments that i keep pushing off.

I need NEED to get it doooone.

Slowly, but surely i guess.

FUCK.

Okay.. yes.. I will get them done.

I just feel like complaining.

And this is a de-stress place.

Okay, i'm hungry.

twistie.

Don't you just hate having unsettled feelings?

Like... this odd feeling just lingering inside as if something is wrong, but you avoid it... til it hits.

And sometimes, it hits at the oddest times.

You try to be happy, but then.... it becomes impossible.

I hate having to deal with problems, i shoo them off.. just like everyone else.

But, i also hate avoiding and pretending like everything is okay when it's not.

I hate sleeping knowing that there is a problem going.

If your reading this... listen to heartbreak warfare by john mayer from 3.05 onwards.

I think Battle Studies does all the talking for me.

When i'm in this mood, it fills the gaps.

Now, another sleepless night ahead of me.

Get off my chest.

Yes, maybe i do say sorry a lot. Whether it's because i accidently walked into you, or did some clumsy move. Ha.

But, i am just thinking of someone right now.

And how sorry i am that i lost that person. Yes, i put myself first, and lost this person.

I probably hurt you.

And we'll probably never be the same kinda friends again, but i knew that before i did what i did.

In fact, before that... i already felt the drift.

Maybe i should stop denying and be straight up.

But then... where were you when i needed you the most?

You vanished.

You judged me... you turned your back on me.. yet i'm still sorry for what i did.

Truth be told, we're nobody to each other.. pretending that we're somebody.

Okay, procrastination.

FUCK THIS PROCRASTINATION!

i hate that i can't seem to focus on doing my work. I am sleepy all the time, and i feel so restless sometimes. I miss being energy-techtiful.

i'm trying to get balanced.

so far, it's working.

juggling school, work and the boyfriend... so far, it's balanced. (way more than before atleast)

but, college assignments this semester seem more like a burden.

in fact... this whole semester feels like a burden.

time to excite things people!

So, i was going to go for a jog. (FINALLY, i have done SOME exercise lately)

But, for the past two days, i kinda skipped that.

it's the time of the month... i guess that's a good reason.

I am SUPPOSE to be doing some editing for the articles. But... as you can see... this blog post is posted up... which means i am procrastinating.

I was going to nap.... but it's 8.35pm... so i think napping is bad idea.

Okay, now i feel like posting something serious.

HI BLOG!

Yes, i'm in a good mood.

It's been awhile since i've been POSITIVE.

So i think it's about time i do so.

Yes, everyone has their ups and downs, there's doubt in that. That's life.

But, i've come to a point of realization that i don't notice the beauty and special-ness of everything around us.

Maybe this positivity will be in me for just a moment, but that doesn't matter.

I am happy.

Literally.

I love my friends, despite our bad mood-ed days, and heart aches that cause us to be distant some days, i love their company. I have lost certain friends over a certain situation, but the friends that stuck with me and supported me through out the difficulty i went through, those were real friends.

Names don't need to be specified, cause they know who they are. :)

I love my job. Yes, i work on weekends, and some may consider that LIFELESS, but heck.. I am lovin' every moment of it. I have learnt more then i ever expected. And, i have a kick-ass boss not to mention.

Yes, maybe i can't go to church anymore cause of my job, but.. i feel like it's okay. And if people decide to look down on me for that, then fine with me. I am content with what i am doing, and i still have my faith. So judge.

Today, my car is sold. The beautiful BMW that i have grown up with. The ultimate car. It's sold.. and yes, my heart does hurt. But i am looking on the bright side.. Maybe it's time to change. Time to let go.. time to look forward.

PEOPLE, SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :)

Okay, i'm done.

Lazy to type. Back to my PR assignemt.

Holiday, please roll in fast.

I miss you, BetulBerger.

..i tumbled.